Step 2011-01-06 08:55:40

OK seriously, this is very, very good. You've got plenty of imagery, and all sorts of literary terms like the personification in "the insanity in his voice cutting clear through my screams", and symbolism of the knife as a constant reminder of the mission.

The way you've wrote it is professional, and I really can't complain much. If there's anything I would nitpick, it'd be that it can get cheesy at times, and some parts sound very clichéd, such as the conversation between Dartmoor and the main character. "You'll never get away with this" and "I already have, human. I already have!" make my face cringe with cheesiness :P. That being said I really like the fact that good didn't prevail for once.

The ending to the story was cool, but I think you could make the last sentence before 'Midnight...' a bit longer so that the single word 'Midnight' is given more emphasis. Sort of like...

"And behind it all, through the haze of blood and fire, through the deafening roars of the demonic fiends, through the biting cold of the air, through the smell of blood hanging in the atmosphere, the clock rung humanity's final hour.

Midnight..."

But other than that, I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. Nice work!

Btw it sucks :P.

DjAbbic 2011-01-06 18:32:27

tl;dr

Jk :P Very nice piece. Was a pleasant short read :)

I'm no author so no criticism for j00

Step 2011-01-08 06:46:55

HEY YOU DIDN'T ANSWER TO MY COMMENT.

I'm deeply, deeply offended.

MCarsten 2011-01-22 22:16:36

SPAMFEST is authorized here? Or is only in Supersteph54?